Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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