marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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