I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
