So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
