is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
