there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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