you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
