My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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