I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
