hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
