I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
