Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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