It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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