for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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