If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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