I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
