best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
