Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize