Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
