yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
