Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
