it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
