Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
