Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
