What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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