in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
