so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
