well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
