Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
