She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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