I seem to have left my pride at pride
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
