Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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