Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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