it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
