oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
