Me too!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
