my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
