6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
