You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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