He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
