If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
