if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
