in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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