And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize