Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
