She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize