Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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