Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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