dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize