so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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