I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am mentally ready for anal.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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