you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize