dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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