She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
