I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
