i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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