You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
