woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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