Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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