so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
