If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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