hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
