there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
