I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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