Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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