i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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