Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we're so committed to being not committed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
