The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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