"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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