I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
