its not stalking. its research.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
